Grrrr Grrrr Growl and Snarl

Woof woof,
We found this on the computer tonight and thought we should send it to you because it's the end of a long and sorry saga, and we know how much you'd love to be here to revel in the misery of it all.

Just in case someone feels litigious the names have been xxx out. Though it wouldn't take a rocket scientist much effort to figure out who was being talked about but, to be honest I think your average rocket scientist is smarter than your average chemist at least most of the ones we know. You should have read the unedited version it was hell funny but would probably not be appropriate to submit in this or any number of alternate realities.

So here goes... oh and if you can't guess someone is really really mad right now and quite possibly insane (isn't that right Mr Flibble).

"12/08/08 (just doing some future proofing)

Dear xxx,

I write to inform you of my resignation from my position at xxx company. I hear by give the required one month notice period with my last day of work to be Friday 12th September. I understand that I have leave scheduled from 2nd - 10th of September but I can assure you that when I applied for leave I had no intention of resigning shortly afterwards.

I am greatly disappointed to be leaving xxx company but I truly feel that I would happier working for an organisation that is better suited to my personality type and more able to meet my needs as an individual. (Also one not filled with vampires ... not that we have anything against vampires... but if you had to pick scary monster to hang out with we'd pick werewolves for the obvious reason that they are much nicer to us dogs).

There are a few things that I would like to mention before I leave. (there were more but well there's the trees to consider no point felling a whole rainforest to say something that will just fall on deaf ears anyway - got to love the mixed metaphors)

Firstly I find it hard to reconcile the fact that the site was used as a warehousing facility for 'eBay' sales of office furniture. It did not meet with the level of professionalism that I expected from an emerging xxx company.

Secondly if you wish to monitor people's start and finish times it is essential to have a suitable means of accurately recording 'clocking in' and 'clocking out' times. (A note book and the word of the office snitch just isn't enough evidence). I must say that I was very disappointed to be accused of not completing my required hours of work. I believe that I am an honest and trustworthy individual and I pride myself on the fact that I am not a liar. (Oh oh some one's pants are on fire!)

Sometimes criticism of a persons performance or attitude is warranted but I personally find that it is much more effective if it contains a constructive element. (Like Lithium or Beryllium two of our personal favourites)

Since I am now officially leaving xxx company I think I would be appropriate to return the PCs to office area. I was informed that it was my inappropriate and thoughtless usage of the Internet that caused them to be removed in the first place. I think it would be only fair to return them to the other employees, they do not deserve to be punished for my mistake. (Grrr Grrr Grrrr)

You have here at xxx company an exceptional bunch of people, in fact they are your most valuable resource. I hope that you truly appreciate how wonderful they all are.

I wish you and all here at xxx company the best of luck in your future endeavours.

Your former employee xxx "

There will be celebratory drinks held at a pub nearby on the evening of the last day. Please feel free to raise a glass and have a few drinks where ever you may find yourselves.

Lots of love
Lils and Burns